Ever have those moments when you are feeling so low, and while you keep telling yourself to just snap out of it, you can't? That was yesterday afternoon. I had a conversation with someone that was strained and even though the conversation ended cordially, I felt completely misunderstood and misrepresented.
That's the way I arrived at church last night. I wanted to just forget about the conversation and sing. But everything in the songs just made me realize how hurt I was and how there was no way to fix it myself. In every song I literally cried out to God to fix it, but I couldn't see how he would be able to do it. Even though I couldn't repair the situation and I couldn't see a good outcome eventually I stopped crying and pulled myself together to listen to the sermon. But I wasn't feeling like anything was resolved.
The preaching pastor for this weekend was the missions pastor at Bethlehem until a few months ago. He and the international student class are about to start a church plant. Although I usually enjoy his preaching, I didn't expect to hear anything relevant to my situation. But in his preaching about the church being multi-ethnic he talked about how we are the family of God to one another. And in a sense, though he didn't say this, these internationals sort of need each other because they are away from other family. He did say that we are all in the family of God.
I realized in that moment that part of the effect of that earlier disconcerting conversation was that I felt so alone in the process; no one to turn to that understands my side and would defend me. And somehow being single makes you less credible, or so it seems. Just hearing and remembering that we are the family of God helped me to feel less alone.
And then after the service, I was able to connect with someone who is able to help me sort out the misunderstanding. Thank you, Lord. It really is totally His work to bring me from the despair I felt so acutely at 5 PM to the joy and lightness I felt at 7 PM. He truly is a good God!