Conflicts in Theory

As usual, I'm starting to write more – just because it's the beginning of the year and I wish I had written more last year. It's like an informal new year's resolution. But it's not. No promises, but I bet that thinking about theory and analyzing how people communicate is going to make me more introspective, which, in turn, will make me want to write more. Let's see if it makes the blog.

One of the interesting things I learned about the two schools of communication theory is that they can be likened to one of scales on the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory. This was helpful since I am well read in the Myers Briggs. The scientific approach is like the sensing (S) component of the Myers Briggs; the interpretive is like the intuitive (N). There you go – no wonder I'm so torn. I have a preference in both of these areas very strongly. As in, I'm not in the middle on the S/N of the Myers Briggs, I usually test into intuitive but I have strong sensing factors built in as well. I am both a detail person (sensing) and a possibilities person (intuitive). In fact, I am so much in each of these camps that I sometimes fail to see (feel) how they are opposite sides of a spectrum. But I have read enough to know they are opposites in the Myers Briggs and commonly held that way on other scales.

I guess this further explains why I am weird. I will see how being an anomaly shakes out in the world of communication theory. By the way, my teacher doesn't believe that I am in both areas and simply dubbed that I didn't understand the continuum. Once I figure it out, I'll know where I stand.

World of Theory

This week I am starting a new class called Communication Theory and Practice. (It's all theory, as far as I can tell.) I have been dreading the class that sounds so dull and dry. I finally started my reading the other day and found it kind of interesting. I think the author of the textbook is a very personable writer – I'm sure that helps. I had forgotten that I do enjoy analyzing things sometimes. Above all, it had slipped my mind that I am studying what has proved to be a very palatable area for me. I like communication studies!

The introductory chapters have proven to be a little disconcerting, though. There are two main schools of thought in the area of communication theory: a scientific one, and an interpretive theory. Fine. As I read through a brief description of each I found that both appealed to me. But the text was clear that you probably fall into one camp or the other. In fact, scholars from the two areas are so at odds with one another they often argue and disagree. So why are both equally appealing to me?

Eventually it came out that these two can areas compliment each other and also could be seen as a continuum. That helps – a little. The problem now is that I really don't feel I'm in the middle. I truly like both sides. I want both to be the proper way to view communication theory. This remains an unsolved dilemma. I may or may not come to some conclusion. But this is for sure, it's going to be a very intense 6 weeks of communication theory. This may be the class that helps me decide how far I'm going to take this whole going back to school thing.

Oh, for cryin' out loud! - literally.

It's a new year again. I make no promises about blogging more. I had every good intention this past year and had a last minute push to beat the year before. I want to write but I don't always have something to say. That might be obvious to you from reading what does get posted. It's not always fresh on my mind to post – even if I do have something to say. But I got 2 journal and two fancy writing pads for Christmas this year, so I better do some writing if only because that was perhaps a sign.

I'm the only one in the school library this afternoon – besides the staff – I am researching how pop music, rock and roll namely, and the deejays that promoted it in the 1950s and 60s helped with the integration of blacks and white in the US. I have at least 8 books on the topic of radio or black music piled on this desk trying to find fodder for this paper. As I read there is a nostalgia that has overcome me. I'm reduced to tears for no good reason but the wonder of how our nation was built and hard-working value system we once had in America. I remember my dad once crying telling me a story of a Swedish business man trying to communicate an idea to an American business man over the phone. When he couldn't make himself understood he asked for a fax number to fax the information. My dad was in tears before he could finish the story about how it all come together because of this technology. We thought Dad was ridiculous. But I think that is how I feel today about radio. It's a little bigger picture though, because what happened in the 1950s when radio needed to find a way to compete with TV the perfect storm resulted in a boon for integration!

I don't know why it makes me feel sentimental, but it's BIG. Radio turned to pop music which eventually got called rock and roll, there were a few cutting edge deejays that took the music format to the next level by playing jazz or other black music on their radio programs of pop music. Before you know it – literally, you have dance parties with blacks and whites enjoying the same music.

Amazing. Now I need to get back to the paper writing. But it truly is an awesome convergence of media and economic developments to push us into crossing musical lines that include whites coming to love black music and vice versa.

Ending One Year, Starting Another

Well that last post was pretty serious. I know it's the season of joy but I was living in this sober state for at least part of the time leading up to Christmas. I did enjoy the few days around Christmas very much! I had friends around and made a traditional Christmas breakfast for my brother and his wife. That was a very last minute thing. I don't want to end this year without some joy and gratitude expressed for God's rich goodness to me. I wish I saw it more and more. I am very blessed to have a cozy roof over my head and a little bit of community here in my home and neighborhood. Despite being a little financially strapped at this point in life, I am so thankful for God's provision.

On Christmas Day I went to see Les Miserables. The new film adaptation of this classic Victor Hugo story was outstanding. It was filmed in a way that allowed you to feel the emotion of the moment with the characters in each scene. The picture of one life transformed by God's grace shown through another up against the grace that was rejected even in the face of “the law” not working for him is such a stark picture. I love that grace. I want to live in 2013 in that grace.

Struck with the Sadness

(I actually wrote this on Dec 18th but am just getting around to posting it today. Maybe it's best I saved it until after Christmas.)

The intensity of this season is starting to get to me. I love being in my own home with the all the homeyness this arrangement offers. I have some decorations up, including my skinny tree with all African ornaments – mostly sisal angels, mini baskets, and little gourds. It snowed properly out there a couple weeks ago so it looks like Christmastime to me.

But. An old friend passed away last week. It was unexpected. She was sick but no one thought it very serious. She had been diagnosed with cancer in the fall but was undergoing chemo and was doing well – or so it was thought. Turns out that about a week before she passed away the doctors discovered that she had a bunch of tumors. Her two daughters are in their early 20s, one still in college. I can't help thinking about G. She was the kind of friend you could pick up with again after a long time of not being in touch. I feel fortunate that I saw her about 14 months ago when I was touring with Afrizo. I stayed with her for a couple nights in their home in Queens. Now I can't stop thinking of her family and the great loss.

The news of the elementary school shootings in Connecticut was shocking. Today I saw another post on FB about ten small Middle Eastern girls who had gone to collect firewood and were blown up in a landmine explosion. I clicked on the article to see a photo of draped caskets all lined up. It hit me hard. Why is there so much death? I know this Christmas, like all since then, is a challenge for my sister-in-law who lost her mother on Christmas day eight years ago.

At the same time, I know many friends expecting babies or who have just giving birth, let me count: four just born in the last two weeks, two more on the way in the next two or three weeks. These are happy thoughts but what a world they come into.

For a moment I think of my own loss and loneliness. I am torn between the deep sadness I feel. I think of my mom while crafting for Christmas, my dad when I'm cooking a big holiday meal, my sister too with a the stories we told each other and laughed at our family history. I think too of how G is free from all the cares of this world. In some ways, I wish I were in her place. I would have been a better one to take, the losses to others would have been less and I am jealous for her freedom now. I have no daughter to get through college, no loving husband to miss me. I'm sure I would be missed but not like G is missed by so many close to her.

In some ways all of this is a distraction from Christ's appearing. He came to give life. We grieve death, but forget the eternal life that is the reality. G lives in the presence of Jesus rejoicing with no thought of the fuss on earth. I wish I could worship like that for even moments of the day. But hers is constant now. May I focus more on Him in this season and always.

Happy Reformation Day

This morning I fully intended to study. I have a paper due tonight and reading left before I can fully finish it. However, I did my quick round on the blogosphere and ended up watching a video that brought me to tears. I'm still trying to work out why it was so emotional.

Yesterday I was thinking about the fact that I don't have children and therefore my descendants will not know a very different world than I know. This thought comes from several recent other exposures:

• I watched Atlas Shrugged, Part I last weekend.
• I'm reading about worldview for my class.
• I'm recently noticed that many families in my church have mixed race families now through adoption. (Which I love but will really be different from experience when they are adults.)
• I've been thinking about my pastor's retirement and what an influence he's had on his congregation and will continue to have on those who listen to him during his retirement.

All that is to say, the world is changing – rapidly – and I have mixed feelings about missing it. In some ways I am very thankful that I don't have to navigate guiding children through the potential craziness of the future; in other ways, I would have liked to have been a guiding force of influence to some portion of the future generations.

I wish I were young in a time growing awareness of reformed theology of African Americans. There, I put my finger on it. This video brought me to tears because I love this dialogue. And best of all, I'm not really missing it. Happy Reformation Day!

Here's the video:

Sad and Glad

It’s finally hitting me, the family that I’ve known for over 5 years and that I’ve lived with two different times is about to move away -- far, far away. I have the gift of helps and sometimes I let it go a little far. However, I find there are times that call for supernatural giving beyond what you are really able to do naturally. Getting these guys ready to go has been a privilege and an honor. It’s necessary for sending them well. In many ways, it’s the least I can do because they and a whole team of others took care of my affairs while I was overseas.

I’m sad because the five little ones are so much fun to be around. The old “kids say the darnest things” quote is fleshed out in these precious little ones. Iain’s seriously worried about language acquisition which comes out something like this, “Only 3 days left? I’m not ready to go?” When asked what he needs to do he replied, “I don’t have any [of my new country’s] words yet! We need to learn our words so we can talk to the people.”

Of course, I have been building other memories with them too. A recent trip to the Renaissance Festival, one last trump through the MIA with Mags and Laena-lu, just to name a couple. Auntie Jan is going to miss them ever so much.

But Matt has been working towards this day for at least 16 years or more. He is more than ready to have a life dream come true. I’m sure he’s sad to leave his church and so many dear friends -- but he can’t wait to get there.

This is his calling. So who wouldn’t be overjoyed to be finally getting to the point you spent a third of your life preparing for, something so right that all your fiber is waiting for the fulfillment of. Not to mention the need it fulfills and the call of all believers to preach the gospel. Who wouldn’t be overjoyed to see this happen for a dear friend. There is something about this moment that says -- there is something right in the universe today, something good and perfect happening. I wouldn’t dare stand in the way.

I’m so glad they are going. I’m so sad they are leaving.